Thursday, March 22, 2012

Round 3 (Results)

Sakura entered the eliminated seating in a huff.  "This sucks, now Ryu's not gonna train me. And those girls in that high school were mean."

Litchi sat where Taokaka, Rachel, Tsubaki, and Valkenhayn were seating. "Well this area's certainly growing in numbers." Rachel snidely remarked.

"YAY! The boobie lady's here!" Taokaka jumped up and down.

Litchi looked distressed. "We've had 5 fighters in, but we've haven't done anything. We need to prove our worth to this audience, or else we're gonna fall into obscurity, like Guilty Gear."

"Jin's coming in soon. He's gotta do something. He is Jin after all." Tsubaki's smile said it all.

"That Cody there is holding his own. I'm surprised. Didn't really think much of the dude when I first saw him." Nova was small-talking with Ryo about the fight since he got into the eliminated seating.

Ryo however, was noticing something was fishy. He hadn't seen Rolento or Noob Saibot since he's been in here. "I'm gonna go get a drink." Ryo walked off to do some investigating.

"Ooh, and Yoshimitsu seems to have impaled Kano!"

"Oi, you stupid bah-stard! I'm gonna gut you an' pull out all yer wiring'!"

"The Yoshimitsu-5000 has a new wireless design. No more untangling chords! No hassle!" Yoshimitsu upslashed Kano up and over the ropes, and on to a beach. As he lay there, out cold, an Argonian drifter looked at his body. Dismissing him as dead, the Argonian shifted through Kano's pockets. Kano's arm sprang up and clutched the lizard-man by the neck.

"Whaddya think yer doin'?"

"OH! I was just-"

"Not good enough." Kano thrust his knife into the Argonian, and threw him aside like a rag doll. He looked around. He was in a harbor town, and it looked pretty run down, even for his preferences. "Where the hell am I?" He saw a familiar face in the distances. "Aye, that's that Mitsurugi fellow...the dickens he doin' 'ere?"

Then Kano remembered something.

"The Skyrim challenge....Stays there entire match....Money....survivor keeps..." His (real) eye lit up. Screw Wesker, this is where the real gold mine is.

/Superdome Shopping Center\

 Something just wasn't right. Ryo could feel sinister intentions were to be had at this tournament. Maybe he was just paranoid. He decided to just sit down and relax and clear his head. He plopped down on a couch in front of some girly clothing store and closed his eyes. Upon opening them he saw King sitting across from him, smiling and holding a half full glass of red wine.

"Hey, stranger." King was still smiling.

"Oh hey, King. What're you doing here?"

"Just accompanying Mai and your sister on their little shopping spree." Ryo looked over to see Yuri and Mai shopping with Benimaru.

"So I've always wondered. Benimaru, is he..."

"Gay? God no, the dude gets laid more than you, Terry, Robert, and Andy combined."

"Then why..."

"He just likes to dress that way. Big into the metrosexual thing. Way before it was considered 'cool'. I mean, the guy's had that same stupid haircut since 1994. Still, nonetheless he's banged about half the girls that have been to the King of Fighters tournaments."

Ryo's eyebrows raised. "Like who?"

King put down her wine glass and started counting on her fingers. "Malin, Vanessa, Athena, Hinako, Kasumi, Vice (worst mistake of his life, as he says), May Lee..." King looked over the Mai and Benimaru, who seemed to be gossiping about something. "...Mai."

Ryo's eyes lit up. "No way..."

"Before Andy, don't worry. Long time ago. Wow, I'm already drunk, I can't believe I just told you that." King laughed. "You didn't hear it from me."

"You really shouldn't be drinking before this fight you know."

King softly kicked his leg. "Lighten up, Captain Serious. I'm near the last in the ring, have some fun once in a while. Plus this wine's making you better looking." King laughed hard enough for Yuri to hear. "King, stop talking to whoever you're talking to and tell me how cute this top is." Yuri ran over to King. "Oh! Ryo!" Yuri walked over and tussled Ryo's hair.

"You can't tell me this top ain't adorable!" Yuri held up a fashionable looking egg white top with some light blue design covering half of it.

"Yes it is very cute, and totally worth the hundred dollar price tag." King said in a monotone voice. "Now go away so I can seduce your brother." Ryo felt a surge of awkwardness go throughout his body.

"Good, now maybe dad can stop complaining about not having any grandchildren yet." Yuri laughed. Ryo slumped in his chair. At this moment he wished he could teleport, far, far away.

Yuri ran off back to her friends. "Beni! King doesn't think this top is cute!"

"Don't listen to King, hun. She has no taste." Benimaru laughed. "Jay-kay, you know I love you King!"

King just ignored him. "You realize we were just joking, right?"

Ryo still wanted to die.

"Really? Wesker's payin' that much?" A conversation in the distance caught Ryo's attention. He looked over to see Billy Kane and Rolento talking. They started walking towards the hotel elevator.

"Not to say you aren't a good looking guy, it's ju- Hey!" Ryo walked away to pursue them. He remembered Rolento from Capcom vs SNK 2, and he knew Billy Kane was always up to no good. The two of them together had to mean something was definitely going on. King called out to Ryo, "Hey, where are you..." Ryo paid her no mind.

"King! You can't tell me THIS isn't the sexiest thing you've ever seen!"

/The Ring\

Edgemaster and Hilde have entered the ring. Edgemaster decided to go after the leader - Wesker - which was a horrible idea. Edgemaster had been in mid-air most of the right. Totally dominated by Wesker's air attacks. Unfortunately for Soul Caliburians, they had no air attacks. A well timed kick in mid-air sent Edgemaster over the ropes and into a battlefield, where guns were being fired from all directions. He decided swords were not a choice weapon to defend himself in this situation, so he hid himself in a barrel.

Hilde, however, was doing a good job at keeping Guile at a formidable distance with her long ranged weapon.

Jin Kisaragi entered the ring, with cheers from the BlazBlue section of the eliminated seating, most notably from Tsubaki. He had chosen to challenge Akuma, another bad idea, and was instantly Shoryukened over the ropes, next to wear Edgemaster was hiding.

However, Call of Duty multiplayer matches were notorious for air strikes.

"Oooh...what a way to go." John called out as both Jin and Edgemaster were blown to smithereens by a missile.

Tsubaki slammed her foot down. "Damnit!"

/Superdome Hotel, Shao Kahn's Room\

Dr Doom had requested permission to meet up with Shao Kahn. He had acquired the information of his whereabouts from Kabal as he was returning to the arena to head to the eliminated seatings. Fortunately for Doom, Kabal was too stoned to think anything of it.

"May I come in, Emperor?" Doom said as he knocked on the hotel door. He was greeted by Baraka, Mileena, and Sheeva. He noted it was a great decision to request an audience with Kahn, rather than storm the hotel room uninvited. His crew looked rather...menacing. Noob and Quan Chi sat on a bed, while Shang Tsung stood next to Shao Kahn, who had brought his throne over from Outworld. Reptile and Skarlet were also in the room, looking ready to pounce on Dr Doom, should he try anything to harm their master.

"Shao Kahn, I come with you with an alliance offer. I am working with Wesker and Magneto, as you may or not know, and we could really your influence, and we shall make it worth your while."

"Oh yeah? How will you do that?"

"You've heard of the prize of this tournament, right?"

"Yes, the power of multidimensional travel."

"Our partner, Albert Wesker seeks that power, and plans to achieve god status, and erect an empire that spans across the entire multi-universe. If all goes according to plan, us, along with you and Outworld, will reign supreme. All will bow to our will, or face a gruesome death. Sounds like something you'd be interested, no?"

Shao Kahn smiled. "I like the way your friend Wesker thinks. I'd be honored to be aligned with a man of such ambition."

"Very good news." Dr Doom was quite happy it had worked out as he planned. "Please join us in Wesker's room for a meeting once he is done dominating that entire ring." Dr Doom left, being lead by Baraka and Kintaro. The door closed behind him.

Shang Tsung turned to Shao Kahn. "This is unlike you, to be working for someone, rather than commandeering the scheme yourself."

"That's just what I want them to think. Once their back is turned, it will not be Albert Wesker who will be calling the shots, it will be I, Shao Kahn to be the holder of this power." Shao Kahn let out a loud, evil laugh. His entire crew followed with their own laughter.

However, Dr Victor Doom was not a stupid man. He anticipated Shao Kahn's imminent betrayal; he had a plan of his own.

/The Ring\

M. Bison had officially entered the ring. Magneto was keeping a close eye on him from the stands. Akuma had teleported over to him and the two engaged in an intense fight.

Goro had also entered into the ring, and Cody and Yoshimitsu had stopped what they were doing to attack the giant Shokan Prince. Cody was instantly grabbed and thrown across the ring. Yoshimitsu just kept catching fireballs to the face. Hilde continued sidestepping Guile's Sonic Booms - one advantage Soul Caliburians had over Street Fighters - and continued attacking from long range. Hilde was suddenly tripped by an Astral Ball from behind, executed by Viola, who had just entered. Guile took advantage of this situation, and ran up to Hilde and performed a Flash Explosion, knocking her out of the ring and into Knights of the Round. He kneeled down and started sobbing. "I've failed..." Lancelot paid no attention to her.

Guile turned around to see something he hadn't noticed before.

Bison. In the ring.

His eyes suddenly filled with the intense flames of rage.

"*BIIIIIISSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOONNNN!*" Guile's body resembled a cheetah, and Bison the gazelle. Guile tackled Bison and to be blunt, was beating the piss out of him with his bare fists.

/Hotel Lobby\

Ryo had seen Billy Kane and Rolento go on an elevator together. He watched the numbers above the elevator until it stopped at floor 27. He got on the next elevator to floor 27. "Hurry up, hurry up!" Ryo was mashing the 27 button as if that would let the elevator know he was in a hurry. 45 seconds later (which seemed like an eternity to Ryo) he was at floor 27. He ran to see if he could catch up to Billy and Rolento, and through the corner of his eye, he saw them enter a door. He quietly tiptoed to see what room number they had entered. 2719. He took a mental note. "2719, 2719, remember this Ryo" he whispered to himself.

"Ja, ve got a new face. Let me introduce my new friend, Mr. Billy Kane."

"'ello, I 'eard you was hoirin'. Hehe..."

Ryo was right. There was something up if somebody was hiring muscle. He tried remembering the name they mentioned earlier. Wesker. Albert Wesker? The man in the ring right now? He headed down to the elevator to find out more.

/The Ring\

"YOU CAN NOT STOP THE MIGHTY GORO!" Goro stomped on Cody's head and threw him into Yoshimitsu. Jade thrust her staff into Goro's back and tossed him down into the mat.


"Yoshimitsu-5000 now comes with 40% more spring in its step!" Yoshimitsu pogo-bounced on his sword on top of Goro.

Jade ran and held her staff over her head. As she jumped up, she found herself suspended in mid-air. A Telekinetic Push sent Jade over the ropes. She landed on a moving train and rolled off. Nathan Drake grabbed her hand and hoisted her back up. "How's it going? You doing anything tonight?" Nathan's smirk was as wide as his head.

"We have eliminated the traitor, Prince Goro." Ermac said as he floated in the air.


Wesker got a call from Dr. Doom. He retreated to the corner and answered it.

"Sir, Shao Kahn now ours."

"Excellent." Wesker hung up. He then saw a familiar face. "Ah, Trish, the demon, are you joining us today?"

"Why yes I am." She said as she blasted Wesker into the ropes with her electricity.

/Superdome Shopping Center\

"Where the hell did King go?" Ryo scrambled to find her. He bumped into Guy, a face he recognized. "Woah, buddy, you alright?"

"Something is going on, Guy. Rolento and Billy Kane are up to something sinister with a man named Wesker."

"Rolento's involved?" Guy turned serious. "There must be something up then, if he has anything to do with it. Come with me, we need to meet up with Haggar right away."

"But I need to find King!"

"We'll find her later, come with me, I'm sure Haggar would love to hear this."

Ryo sighed. "Okay then."

/The Ring\

"Ralf Jones is HERE!" Ralf called out as he rushed to the ring.

"Dude." Sven turned to John and Joe. "What the hell happened to Ralf's arms, they're like...ginourmous, even for fighting game standards."

"I think him and Clark have been hitting up the steroid department." John smirked.

"They look like they're made of tumors." Joe raised an eyebrow.

One of the security guards burst in. "Guys, we have a problem, we need one of you to come with me, NOW!"

John and Sven looked at each other. "NOSE GOES!" They immediately put their finger on their nose then looked at Joe. "...God dammit, I hate you guys. So much." Joe got up and followed the security guard.

Dan Hibiki jumped into the ring and kicked Ralf in the back. "Piss off, Dan, I got bigger things to deal with." Ralf tossed Dan to the other side of the ring and continued punching Goro. Dan fumed. "Fine, then! I guess I'll!" He Gadokened the extremely tired Cody over the ropes and into The Suffering. He did not fare too well against hellspawn without a gun.

Viola was throwing her Astral Ball all around the ring, hitting Guile, Akuma, and Ermac with it multiple times. Akuma was especially agitated by this, and teleported over to her, kicking her into the air.


"Holy crap, the Demon Armageddon!" John was really excited to finally see Akuma perform this move.


"Ah, good, Viola, you're here. We could use a mage. A man told us we could be in his secret club if we shake down some of these villagers for rent money. Then maybe we could figure out how to get out of here." Viola was extremely surprised to see Mitsurugi.

Kano in the distance, just watched.

/Superdome Security Offices\

"Alright, what do you dickbutts want?" Joe was rather annoyed, and it showed.

"Sir, Jax and Sonya says that Rolento and Balrog have run off with some of the guns from the security armory."

"Yeah, we tried to stop them, but we failed. I apologize." Jax had his head hung low.

"Those guns aren't even real. Seeya." Joe turned abruptly and walked away.

"Um...sir are you sure?"

"Yeah, probably. Now leave me alone, I wanna watch the freaking fight."

"Uhhh...." The head of security was at a loss.

"I guess we have to take matters into our own hands. Of course." Sonya angrily stormed off. Jax went to follow her but a security guard of African-American descent stopped him. "Hey man, I gotta ask tapping that?"

Jax's eyebrow raised. "No, we're a professional partnership, it would be out of line."

"Nigga the fuck is wrong with you?"

/The Ring\

Cervantes entered the ring. The undead pirate immediately picked a fight with Ermac. On the other side of the ring, Wesker was having his way with Trish. "I'm sorry, missy, you're good, but not nearly enough of a match for me." Wesker kicked her into Dissidia: Final Fantasy. With her giant sword, she almost fit right in. Her outfit wasn't quite ridiculous enough, however.

Soon afterwards, Cervantes dug his two swords into Ermac's chest and tossed him over the ropes. Ermac landed in Psychonauts. Dogen quickly ran away. "AH! IT'S THE LAKE MONSTER!" Ermac got up dazed and got decimated with a plethora and psychokinetic blasts.

Cervantes laughed. "You really think your telekinetic powers could defeat me?!"

"Well I'm pretty sure Psycho Power could." Cervantes turned around to see M. Bison's fist, full of Psycho energy. He landed in Secret of Monkey Island in front of Guybrush Threepwood.

"Take this!" Guybrush shouted as he sprayed Cervantes with root beer. After it was apparent that it had no effect on Cervantes, Guybrush ran away screaming, possibly urinating himself.

Leona Heidern got into the ring and immediately started helping Ralf take down Goro. Joe, around this time had entered the booth.

"So, what happened?" Sven asked.

"Eh, just some stupid bullcrap I didn't feel like dealing with."

"Alright, I'll take your word for it." The subject was then immediately dropped.

Bison went to continue his fight with Guile, but Dan stood in his way. "You work with Sagat right?"

"Yes, now get out of my way."

"Sagat is the one who killed my father!"

"Well, if he made you, he must have deserved to die."

Dan, enraged, Shoryukened Bison, but he was grabbed, and tossed casually over the side. "I don't have time to deal with you, I have a pressing matter to take care of." Dan landed in NBA Jam. To pass the time, he decided to challenge Gerald Wallace to a game of one-on-one. Dan lost 84-6.

She-Hulk entered the ring and stomped around. "SHE-HULK SMASH!" She ran up to Ralf and bonked him on the head. "SHE-HULK SMASH!" She ran up to Guile and bonked him on the head as well. "SHE-HULK SMASH!" She ran up to Yoshimitsu.

"Yoshimitsu-5000 is now 80% more bonk-proof!" An upward sword slash sent her into Sonic the Hedgehog, where she bonked Dr. Robotnik on the head.

Leona turned to Ralf, sweating. "I have an idea to take down Goro..."

"No, please don't."

"Yes, I must activate my Orochi powers. I think I have some control over them now. If I become out of hand, I want you to eliminate me immediately."

"Yes, ma'am." Leona jumped back, and tapped into her inner blood curse. Her hair turned red as she scream in a way that would make any man's skin crawl. Blood pouring from her mouth, she tore into Goro.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" Goro was slashed, kicked, and punched further and further into the ropes. One final spin kick sent him into Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts, where a car broke his fall.


As Leona turned around, Ralf kept his distance. "Are you alright?" Ralf was sent flying into Nuts and Bolts as well, right on top of Goro.

"Oh crap..."

Everyone in the ring stared at Leona as she puked blood (except for Guile and Bison, who were beating the living daylights out of eachother).

"Woah, things just got a lot more interesting..." Wesker commented.

"Yoshimitsu-5000 cleans even the toughest of blood stains!"
Results (18 votes)

M. Bison (SSF4AE) 13:5 (72%)
Yoshimitsu (SFxT) 13:5 (72%)
Albert Wesker (UMVC3) 14:6 (70%)
Akuma (SSF4AE) 13:6 (68%)
Leona Heidern (KOFXIII) 12:6 (67%)
Guile (SSF4AE) 13:7 (65%)
------Line of Survival ------
Cervantes (SC5) 11:7 (61%)
Dan Hibiki (SSF4AE) 11:7 (61%)
Ermac (MK) 10:8 (55%)
Kano (MK) 10:9 (53%
Ralf Jones (KOFXIII) 9:9 (50%)
Cody (SSF4AE) 10:10 (50%)
Goro (MK) 8:10 (44%)
Trish (UMVC3) 7:11 (39%)
Viola (SC5) 6:12 (33%)
She-Hulk (UMVC3) 5:13 (28%)
Jade (MK) 4:14 (22%)
Jin Kisaragi (BBCSX) 4:14 (22%)
Hilde (SC5) 3:15 (17%)
Edgemaster (SC5) 1:17 (6%)

KOs: 2 - Bison, Yoshi, Wesker, Akuma, Leona 1 - Guile, Cervantes, Dan, Ermac

Total KOs Leaders: 5 - Wesker, Guile 4 - Akuma 3 - Cody, Solid Snake

Jobbers: BlazBlue. BB has 6 characters out, and 0 eliminations. Soul Calibur doesn't seem to be that far behind that, especially with this round's horrible showing, with Cervantes being the only exception.

Capcom still: Killing it.

Hey, look a female: Leona so far is the only female to survive a round.

Sean "Sven" Dougherty
John Paul Kopczenski
Joseph "Joe" Florio
and Nick Torcasio, Professional Grammar Nazi

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