Thursday, March 8, 2012

Round 1 (Results)

"Whoever is in charge of this event obviously had no idea how to treat people of upper class." Rachel Alucard said with a posh demeanor, with her loyal butler, Valkenhayn R. Hellsing following her. "There are no bell boys, no valets, nobody throwing rose petals wherever you're about to step, it's like living as a commoner!"

"You're telling me, sister." Tron Bonne said, sitting on the edge of her mecha. "You even have to supply your own servants."

"Oh, you have those robot servants they have now? I always preferred my servants human, it's more fun breaking their spirits."

"Oh yes, but robots never complain."

"My servants never complain." Rachel smiled. "If they know what's best for them."

"I like you." Tron hopped off her mecha and held out her hand. "Tron Bonne of the Bonne family."

Rachel took her hand and performed a small curtsey. "Rachel Alucard, of the Alucard family."

Tron laughed, "What, are you guys vampires or something?"

"Why yes."

Tron Bonne raised an eyebrow. "Seriously? I mean, I thought my family was weird, being pirates and all."

Rachel as aghast. "Pirates? Surely your family doesn't really have such a...filthy business."

"Well, I'm also a mechanic..."

"So you're a grease-monkey AND a thief? Come, Valkenhayn, we have no more need to talk to this filthy commoner."

"Yes, Madam Alucard." Valkenhayn followed her away from Tron Bonne.

"...That bitch. I'm gonna make sure she goes down in that ring." Tron clenched her fist.

Meanwhile, Cody was bouncing a stone on the wall in front of him. He did this for a few minutes, then clutched the stone in his hand, got up and exclaimed, "Damn, I'm bored! When's this fight gonna start, huh?"

"Shut up, you. We'll start when we start." Wesker was doing something very important on a PDA type device, and didn't need to be bothered by some "punk kid".

"Yeah, just you wait til we get in that ring, pretty boy!"

Wesker just laughed. "Now I know what universe to invade first once this power is mine..." Ryo went up to Cody.

"Hey man, let's just save all our energy for the ring."

"Pfft, whatever." Cody walked off.

Wesker at this point had migrated to the hallway. He pulled out his phone and started walking. "So, what's the status?"

"Yeah, everything's going smoothly, mate." Kano said on the other line. "Me and Balrog are just finishin' up the first batch, 'ere."

"Good. Good. I'm entering the ring in a couple of minutes, I expect everything to be finished when I get out."

"Aye." Wesker ended the call and returned to his seat, where they finally got things going.

"Alright, Hwoarang, you're first, come here and enter on my command."

Hwoarang stopped kicking the air and jogged over to the security guard. "Ha, I'll beat all these amateurs!"

"HWOARANG!" The speakers called out.

"That's your cue. Good luck." Hwoarang ran out to the ring as a giant crowd cheered him on.

"Alright who's my first opponent?"


Raiden teleported into the ring and hit Hwoarang with a Violent Thunder combo and then torpedo'd him into the ropes. Hwoarang jumped back up in flamingo stance. Hwoarang hopped forward and slapped Raiden with a barrage of kicks.

"Take this!" a Skyrocket kick sent Raiden flying down to the mat. Hwoarang was suddenly tripped by a baton. Rolento jumped up and threw knives at Hwoarang, which he deflected with two swift kicks.

"Alright, I'll take ou both out!"

"Ja, I doubt you vill." Rolento spun his baton around, hitting Hwoarang in the gut. Rolento rolled back, and watched as his grenade exploded under Hwoarang. Rolento suddenly found himself grabbed by the chest and thrown on the ground.

"IPPON!" Mitsurugi slashed Rolento across his chest. Raiden clutched Mitsurugi by the chest and fried his armor with electricity. Mitsurugi fell to the ground in a heap of smoke. Mitsurugi tried tearing off his armor, but was burning his hands instead. Raiden kicked him in the face, and grabbed Mitsurugi by the arm.

"The first elimination is gonna belong to me!"

"Like hell it is." Mitsurugi butt Raiden in the face with the handle of his sword and did a series of running slashes. When Raiden was down, Mitsurugi threw his scalding hot armor over the ropes and through the multi-dimensional field. It landed in Minecraft, where it promptly crashed the server.

Mitsurugi was covered in burns, but he's been through worse. Unsheathing his sword, he rushed towards Raiden but was knocked into the air by various attacks done in succession by the freshest combatant, Tsubaki Yayoi. Mitsurugi's wake-up attack was then interrupted by Rolento's grenades. Hwoarang jumped off of Mitsurugi's shoulder and landed a flying kick into Tsubaki, who blocked it with her shield. Tsubaki knocked Hwoarang into the air and into Cody's Criminal Upper. At this point Mitsurugi got up and started trading blows with Tsubaki.


Cody, who was fighting Hwoarang at this time, threw a knife at Rolento's and was soon taking on both Rolento and Hwoarang. This gave Raiden a much needed break from the action.

That was of course right before Tron Bonne drove a giant drill into his back.

"Haha!" Tron yelled as she operated the controls of her mech. "The Bonne family ingenuity!" Servbots held Raiden down as Tron punched Raiden repeatedly with her mech.

Cody had successfully taken down Hwoarang at this point. Rolento proved to be a more difficult foe. His baton gave him more range, and his grenades made it almost impossible to close in on him. But still, something further bugged Cody. After fighting him, it had finally hit him.

"Hey, didn't you used to be in Mad Gear?"

"Mad Gear? Zat was a long time ago, but yes."

"Oh yeah! I remember me, Guy and Haggar used to beat on your guys for fun." Rolento gave him a quick Patriot Circle to shut him up.

Tira came into the ring laughing hysterically about something. "Come on, somebody dance with me!" She started twirling her hoop around laughing maniacally. She started getting upset because nobody wanted to dance. "Fine, then! You're all poopyheads anyway!" She ran up to Raiden and started kicking him.


At this point, Hwoarang got up.

"YOU'RE NOT GONNA LIKE THIS!" He said as he lifted his leg up past his head.

*BAM!* Hwoarang's heel hit Rolento's skull so hard that he staggered back into the ropes. Another kick by Hwoarang knocked him through the field.

Rolento ended up in Red Faction Geurilla, where a building fell on him.

"Oooohhh...nasty. And Rolento is the first contestant to be eliminated!" John said over the intercom, popping open his 3rd beer.

"Nice way to go, eh?" Sven was lounging back in his chair, feet propped up on the desk, drinking his 2nd beer.

"Hwoarang just pooped all over him. That heel kick is no joke." Joe was not drinking tonight.

Tira found herself going through the floor through a portal. "What th-" Tira was interrupted by her skull hitting the floor. Noob Saibot was officially in the ring. Noob proceeded to throw a Shadow Charge at Cody, and a Ghost Ball at Hwoarang.


As Tira got up, she was immediately Electrocuted by Raiden and kicked into the ropes.

/Warehouse 2-B\

Kano finished welding a square shape into the iron wall with his eye laser, and motioned to Balrog. Balrog immediately punched through the square.

"Dat good, boss?" Balrog cracked his knuckles through his gloves.

"Yeah, 'cuz we can just climb through dis toiny 'ole in the wall. You wanker, ov' course not you smelly dog! This was just to see if the damned thing worked!"

"So, uhh...what we make a bigger one?"

Kano just ignored him and continued welding the wall.

/The Ring\

For almost a full 5 minutes, nobody was interfering with the intense Mitsurugi/Tsubaki swordfight. Mainly because nobody really wanted to get between two people with sharp, deadly weapons. Nothing was really getting accomplished either.


Ryo Sakazaki had entered the ring, without anyone really noticing, gave Hwoarang a quick Zanretsuken in the back of the head. Ryo backdashed and reached his palm out. "Come on." He motioned. Ryo jumped forward with a kick, "HIEN SHIPUU KYAKU!" that immediately met with Hwoarang's EX Hunting Hawk. Ryo fell to the ground.

"Had enough, amateur?"

"You're so vigorous. Maybe I should open up a beginner's class!" Ryo punched Hwoarang in the jaw and Koh-Kened him.

"That was lame." Joe commented.

"Yeah it was lame in KOF XIII as well." Sven lit a cigarette.

Albert Wesker slowly walked into the ring with a huge applause from the audience. He launched Tira up into the air and immediately performed a Phanton Dance. "Mortals are weak! You are nothing to me!"

The crowd's cheers only grew louder.

Raiden and Cody were taking on Noob Saibot at this time. Cody attempted to slash Noob with a knife, only to be uppercutted to the other side of the ring. He threw a Shadow Slide at Raiden, and then proceeded with a Teleport Slam.

"See, this is why I hate Noob. He uses the cheapest tactics imaginable." Sven slammed down his beer.

"Noob isn't really that hard to play against..." John added. "Unless you suck."

Raiden took note of the box in the ring. He then took note of the man coming out of the box with a gun. He then took note of the tranquilizer dart in his neck. And then he finally took note of his face hitting the floor.

Snake took shots at Cody and Noob as well, both blocked. Snake then took out his Cypher, only to fly into a Saibot Upknee.

Meanwhile, Ryo had taken advantage of his fight with Hwoarang. He was readying for an uppercut, when suddenly a portal fell from the sky. Ryo backdashed, and Hwoarang fell through the black portal into Noob's uppercut, through the dimmensional portal. A dazed Hwoarang ended up in Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts, where a bear and a bird asked him to help them build a car.

"Hey! That KO-stealing jerk!" Ryo ran towards Noob, who Teleport Slammed him from behind. Ryo sprang back onto his feet and clenched his fists.


/Spiral Mountain\

"Whelp, thank you Mr. Hwoarang, thanks to you that car was built in a jiffy! Guh-huh!"

"Yeah, no problem Banjo...where am I again?"


"D'aww...a shadow ninja done smashed through my car..."

/The Ring\

Ryo cracked his knuckles. "Did what had to be done..."

Meanwhile, a timid creature was inching her way down to the ring.

"Errm, I can do this...I can do this..." She tripped and fell to the floor. "Ow...I'm so weak, and frail..." The audience showed their sympathies.

"Poor girl..."
"She's so weak and frail."

As Pyrrha reached the ring she held her sword up.

"Umm...I'm gonna fight you now!" Nobody responded, or even acknowledged her. "Ummm..."

Tron Bonne, meanwhile threw a boulder at Cody. "So you like throwing rocks huh?" Being Tron was distracted, Raiden saw this as a prime opportunity to sneak up on her. A good uppercut sent her out of the ring.

/Spiral Mountain\

"Well, thank you, Mr Shadow Ninja, I don't know where that other guy went off to, but I'm glad you could rebuild my car, guh-huh!"

At that moment, Tron Bonne crashed through his ceiling and onto his car.


/The Ring\


"Mrrrrowww! Hello Baki-Baki!"

"Tsukaka! Now's not the time, can't you see I'm in a -hmmph!- swordfight?"

"That's fine. I found a cat toy..."

"A cat toy? AH! TSUKAKA! That's a live grenade!" As soon as Mitsurugi heard "live grenade" he ran away as quick as he could.


Tsubaki and Taokaka both ended up in an urban city.

"Damnit, Taokaka! What have I told you about picking up strange things off the ground!"


"Okay no where...are we...?" said Tsubaki as she watched a naked woman chase a gang member down the street with a giant dildo.

"And, it looks like Snake eliminated both Tsubaki and Taokaka, and they ended up in Saints Row the Third." John said over the speakers.

"But now," said Sven. "Here comes a real American hero, Guile!"

Guile ran into the ring, and immediately hit Mitsurugi with a Sonic Boom.

Wesker and Tira were getting into a pretty heated battle, but unfortunately for Tira, Soul Caliburians weren't known for their teleportation abilities. Wesker took off his sunglasses to reveal his red glowing eyes. "Do I frighten you, miss?"

"Not at all, Mister Wesker! You're nothing but a big...doody-butt! I'LL KILL YOU!" Tira charged forward screaming with her hoop in the air.

"Too slow!" A reversal sent Tira over the ropes and into Space Channel 5. Tira ultimately decided that this was a groovy place to end up.

As Rachel Alucard entered the arena, Sven thought it would be appropriate to play some Ali Project.

"What the hell is this crap?" Joe said in disgust.

"Ali Project, they're a Japanese band who did the themes for Rozen Maiden. Figured it'd be fitting."

"What the hell is Rozen Maiden?" asked John.

"An anime. Pretty good one. Has a theme of gothic lolitas, so..."

"Sven, you and your girly animes." Joe prodded.

"Rozen Maiden's not girly."

"What's it about then?"

"It's about...ceramic dolls...and like, they fight with magical powers know what fuck you! Rozen Maiden kicks ass!"


"Rozen Maiden's not girly...where's my beer?"

"Sven, I can't believe you're already drunk." John added.

"I'm drunk because you guys are assholes." John and Joe both laughed.

Coming into the ring, Rachel let George XIII into the ring. "Run along now." George XIII's hopped towards Solid Snake. As Snake readied his tranquilizer gun (you know, to use it for food later) George XIII shocked him. (What, haven't you ever seen an electric frog?). While this was going on, Rachel was shooting all kinds of lobelias around Snake.

"What the hell are-"


"Oooh, that's what I call barbecued snake." Sven called out.

Snake decided to set up his mortar and blow Rachel to hell. Upon firing, he quickly realized Rachel could control the wind. He then was the one blown to hell.

Pyrrha was still cowering in the corner. "Umm...if anyone wants to fight..."

Rachel was not doing a good job at making herself not noticed. She has pissed everyone in the ring off with her imps, lobelias, and George XIII. Not to mention her wind control, which was knocking everyone's projectiles off balance. Soon, Rachel was facing off against Ryo, Guile, Snake, and Raiden.

"Ganging up on a girl? That's rather rude..."


Dormammu had entered the ring, and Ryo and Rachel were both caught in his hyper combo, and sent flying over the ropes. They both ended up in Resident Evil 5. Rachel was displeased.

"This place smells like poor people."

Guile hit Dormammu with a flash kick, and Raiden hit him with a Vicinity Blast. Meanwhile, Cody and Mitsurugi were duking it out. Cody made a mental note to get a sword when he got back to the Street Fighter dimension. Dormammu had thrown Guile across the ring and focused on Raiden. At this moment, Pyrrha decided to hit Guile with her sword. "Hi-ya!...Sorry! I'm so sorry!" A Flash Kick sent Pyrrha into Resident Evil 5, where Rachel and Ryo landed. Unfortunately for her, they were long gone, trying to figure out a way out of the game, and killing zombies. Pyrrha looked around her to see zombies walking towards her.

"Oh no! Black people!"

Meanwhile, Nova flew into the ring. "Can you make this quick, I've got a universe to save." Nova winked and pointed a finger gun at the crowd, who cheered. He went over to Guile, fresh off of his KO, and gave him a nice Nova Strike.

/Warehouse 2-B\

"EE-YAH!" Balrog had just punched the last of the wall. Now they had enough room to enter and exit. "Perfect." said Kano. "Mister Wesker will be pleased."

Rolento rolled around the corner. "Did anybody call vor a demolition team?" He said as he smiled.

"Yeah..." Kano turned to him. "This is the security armory, Ah need to get into the ring in a couple o' minutes. You take command with Balrog 'ere and steal all these weapons."

"And zen I get to blow somezin up?"

"That you do mate."

"Y'all done chit chattin? We got work to do, son." Balrog was grinning. All those weapons...his.

/The Ring\

"Come on slowpoke, catch me!" Nova was flying around the ring, dodging Sonic Booms and hitting Guile with Energy Javelins. Cody, meanwhile, decided he was done his fight with a man who had a sword, so a pocket full of sand in Mitsurugi's eyes gave him enough time to run over to Voldo, the newly entered contestant.

"HSSSSSS" Cody however, didn't see the knives he had in his hand. As Voldo ran in for a slash, he get hit with a mortar grenade. Snake, getting bored, decided to sit in the corner, shooting mortars at whoever's face he didn't like. Wesker had also joined Dormammu in fighting Raiden, who then was joined a near-blind Mitsurugi. Raiden's robe was covered in burned holes, Mitsurugi was bloody and armorless, Wesker was slightly bruised, cut and burned, but Dormammu of course, had no visible damage. Being a cosmic being tends to do that. Gouken, who just entered the ring, decided that he was tough enough to take on all four of them, and started firing Hadokens at Dormammu and Mitsurugi.

"I'll show you all the true power of a Shotokan master!" He said right before Shoryukening Dormammu in the face. Mitsurugi blocked his hurricane kick and slashed at him vertically twice.

"Very impressive." Gouken stroked his beard. At this time, Voldo was thrown over the ropes by Cody's Criminal Upper. He landed in Silent Hill Origins, where Travis Grady just saw him as another monster.

"How about this?" Gouken jumped up into the air and fired three Hadokens at Mitsurugi. Mitsurugi parried them all and delivered an upward slash to Gouken so powerful, it knocked Gouken out of the ring and into Virtua Fighter 5.

"Ah, hello friend, come have a drink with me *hic*." Shun Di was very eager to share his sake with an old stranger.

"Alright, where'd that punk go?" Nova flew around, scoping the ring for Guile. Guile jumped from the turnbuckle, onto Nova, and threw him through the portal.

Guile dropped down, took out a comb, and combed up his hair in celebration. "Superheroes are no match for the American Air Force."

Over in Virtua Fighter 5, Nova landed while Gouken and Shun Di were having a great time. "Move over old man, I need a drink."

Guile then turned around to see that him, Mitsurugi, Wesker, Dormammu, Cody, Raiden, and Snake were the only ones left in the ring.


 Totals (18 votes, Live:Die)
Solid Snake (SSBB) 16:2 (89%)
Dormammu (UMVC3) 14:4 (78%)
Guile (SF4AE) 14:4 (78%)
Albert Wesker (UMVC3) 13:5 (72%)
Raiden (MK) 13:5 (72%)
Cody (SF4AE) 11:7 (61%)
Mitsurugi (SC5) 11:7 (61%)
====Line of Survival====
Ryo Sakazaki (KOFXIII) 10:8 (56%)
Noob Saibot (MK) 10:8 (56%)
Hwoarang (SFxT) 10:8 (56%)
Rolento (SFxT) 9:9 (50%)
Gouken (SF4AE) 8:10 (44%)
Voldo (SC5) 8:10 (44%)
Rachel Alucard (BBCSX) 7:11 (39%)
Pyrrha (SC5) 6:12 (33%)
Nova (UMVC3) 5:13 (28%)
Toakaka (BBCSX) 5:13 (28%)
Tira (SC5) 4:14 (22%)
Tron Bonne (UMVC3) 3:15 (17%)
Tsubaki Yayoi (BBCSX) 3:15 (17%)

KOs: 2 - Snake, Dormammu, Guile 1 - Wesker, Raiden, Cody, Mitsurugi, Ryo, Noob, Hwoarang

Thanks for reading, round 2 coming soon!
Sean "Sven" Dougherty
John Kopczenski
Joseph "Joe" Florio

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