Sunday, March 4, 2012

Round 1 (Intro)

"Jesus Chri-ist." was followed by the thud of a loaded box hitting a desk. "What a shit flight that was." Sven started opening his box of gear almost immediately.
"Pfft, you weren't the one coming all the way from butt fuck Oregon." Thud. John did the same with his box of goodies.
"Yeah, what the hell are you always doing in Oregon anyway?"
"For like, the 4th time I've told you in the past 2 years, Kyra, you girlfriend?"
"Yeah I know who Kyra is."
"Okay, just making sure, just in case you forgot that too." Sven just rolled his eyes. "She has family out there, and we're always going there on vacation."
"And doing what? Churning butter?" John just ignored him.
"Well, then I had to dip to go do this."
"And Kyra was mad?"
"Yeah, but shit, this is making money doing something awesome. Who else gets to run a multi-dimensional portal for an all out fighting game character brawl?"
"Just us, because we're that cool."
John pointed a finger to Sven's chest. "Egg-Zackly." John let out a snicker. "It hurts being this boss sometimes."
"Yeah, it makes my heart ache just thinking about all the people stuck in cubicles."
"Or working at Denny's."
"Yeah, but we're also in shit ass New Orleans." Sven looked around. "So where the hell's Fat Joe at?"
"Hey, shu-up, don't call me fat, faggot." Joe came around the corner carrying an equally large box.
"Where the hell were you?" John said as he clapped up Joe.
"Airport Cinnabons son. Can't pass those up."
Sven shook his head and sat down, propped his legs up, and lit up a cigarette. Joe fanned the smoke away from him.
"What happened to you quitting?"
"Nobody ever really quits."
"Shush." Sven took another drag. "So did everyone show up?"
John took the clipboard that was left on the desk for him. "According to this...yep. All 225 contestants."
"Did any Tatsunoko-ers bitch about not being in?" Sven took another drag, blowing it in Joe's direction.
"Yo don't make me sit on you." Joe said as fanning smoke away from his face again.
"Yeah, but I feel bad for them. They're basically out of work, and everybody forgot who they were again. So, I invited one of them here."
"As a mystery fighter?"
"Yeah, we needed a seventh to bring us up to a divisible 225."
"And no Smash-ers right?"
"Err.." John looked away, and smirked.
"John, remember how much Smash-ers ruined our last tournament? We already agreed they're at too high of a disadvantage in this contest."
"I As another mystery contestant."
Sven sighed. "Alright fine, I'm gonna see how security's doing with the draw lottery." Sven started setting up his communications equiptment.

/Contestant Main Lobby\
"Aw yeah!  Got me a draw in the 200s! JOHNNY CAAAGE!" Cage did a celebratory backflip. He plopped down in his seat next to Sonya and Raiden. He turned to Sonya.
"So, baby, when I win this thing, how about going out to dinner with the champ?" Cage was grinning like a cocky jackass.
Sonya just scoffed.
"Next is, Raiden." The head of security called Raiden up to the lottery roller. Raiden drew his number, and returned to his seat, shaking his head.
"Thunder God." Rolento tapped him on the shoulder from the seat behind him. "'How bout me and you trade draws? I got a decent number, and was thinking ah could do better. Ja?"
Raiden decided his number couldn't possibly be any worse, so he traded. He was wrong.
"Ach..." Rolento didn't do much better either.
Raiden turned to Liu Kang, "Hey, would you like to-"
"No, sorry Lord Raiden, but I can't." Liu Kang was a humble man, but not humble enough to give up his amazing draw.
"Hell no."
"Not a chance."
"The spirits are telling me no."
"When hell freezes over."
"Well," Raiden sighed. "At least Earthrealm has a chance of winning, even if it's without me."
However, on the King of Fighters XIII side, things were a bit more cheery.
"You know guys." Yuri looked at her draw with a glimmer of glee. "We didn't do half bad. Most of us got good draws!" King and Mai flashed their draws.
"I know right! Team Women is gonna kick some butt this rumble!" Mai was in her usual bubbly state.
Ryo was in a state of despair, however. "Speak for yourself..."
"Aww, don't worry, big bro, you'll be fighting alongside us in no time!" Yuri put her arm around Ryo's neck as a stream of anime-tears rolled down his cheeks.
"You'll do fine, Ryo, just remember what Takuma-san taught you." King was reassuring.
"Yeah, you're right."
"Hey, guess who got a good draw!" Takuma walked towards them waving his ticket with a rosey smile on his face.
"Uggghhh." Ryo slumped lower in his chair. "I'm doomed...just look at that guy in the corner." He pointed at Galactus, who was so big he could barely fit in the room.
"Oh my, how are we supposed to knock *him* out of the ring?" Mai was getting a bit nervous.
"OH YEAH! Check out this lucky pick!" Terry came walking down the aisle.
On the opposite end of the room, the Blazblue group was looking a bit gloomy.
"We're gonna lose, aren't we?" Tsubaki slumped.
The Street Fighter 4 side was a mix of UMVC3-ers and SFxT-ers.
"We did alright, right?" Cammy looked at her ticket with a bit of a smile.
"Well, you did." Guile crumpled his and tossed it to the floor.
Haggar and Guy gripped eachother's hands. "We got this!" Haggar had a big grin on his face. Cody just stared at his ticket. "Well, fuck me."

/Announcer's Booth\
"Well, they just got finished." Sven turned his headset off and set it aside. "Looks like KOF and MK nabbed most of the later spots."
"Yeah, but none of the good characters." John looked at the master list from his laptop.
"Hey, Johnny Cage is pretty cool."
"Sven." Joe chimed in. "You're the only person I know who *likes* Johnny Cage."

/The Rings\
As the audience got seated, the contestants readied in their dressing rooms. Michael Buffer climbed into the ring and clutched the hanging microphone.
"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Ultimate Fighter Royale 2012!" The audience burst into uproarous applause.
"The rules are as follows:
-After the first two contestants are in, another contestant will arrive every two minutes.
-Once in the ring, if you leave the ring, and enter through the multi-dimensional portal outside the ring, you are out.
-The dimensional portal will change dimensions every thirty seconds. When you enter the portal, you will arrive in said dimension for ten minutes, then you will be teleported back to the eliminated seating in tact.
-Last man or woman standing wins, and wins the prize of multi-dimensional travel at will!"
The audience cheered as he read the last of the rules.
John came on the speakers. "Our contestant who drew number 1 was..."

Hwoarang walked down to the ring to "Eye of the Tiger". Drawing number one did not phase him at all. He was calm enough to be confident and win this.
"And our number 2 spot went to..."

AC/DC blared through the speakers as Raiden walked towards the center of the Superdome's arena. Of course he was disappointed to be in the ring from the get go, but whatever, he was here to win for Earthrealm.

Rolento rolled down to the ring, beating Raiden and Hwoarang with a spinning staff as he entered.

"I brought a sword to a gunfight and won. I can handle this."

Tsubaki slowly walked down to the ring. "If I can survive until Jin gets here, I think I'll be fine."

Cody walked down to the ring to the sound of clanging iron chains and Judas Priest. "Screw this, I'm gonna kill all of these people..."

"Come on, Servbots! Carry your master to the ring! HAHAHAHA!"

"TIRA!" (SC5)
Tira sauntered down to the ring laughing maniacally while twirling around her hoop and dancing. The creepy thing was, there was no music to accompany her...

Rather than walk down like any normal person, he teleported into the ring and slammed Cody into the mat.
"Typical Noob tactics." Sven said with a hint of disdain.

Ryo cracked his knuckles and ran down to the ring, karate chopping down over the ropes into Raiden's skull.

Wesker came into the ring as quickly as his name was announced. Teleport dashing along the way. Tron never saw that 75 hit combo coming...

"And our first mystery contestant...

"Colonel, they called my name. What do you think I should do?"
"Snake, I advise you to enter the ring."
"The ring?"
"Yes, the giant ring in front of you."
"In front of me?"
"Yes, you're looking at it."
"Looking at it?"
"Christ, Snake, I know you like to repeat the last thing said to you, but now's not the time."

"Who the hell is Pyrrha?" Sven asked.
"Sophitia's daughter." John replied.
"Yeah, haven't you played Soul Calibur 5 yet? It's awesome." Joe looked up from his computer.
"Nah, can't find time in between playing Mortal Kombat and playing King of Fighters."

"NYAAAAH! BAKI-BAKI! I've come to help youuu~" Taokaka jumped into the ring and clawed Noob Saibot in the face.
"Ah, Taokaka, thank you for your assistance. I'll take care of the woman with the ring, and you continue fighting the shadow ninja. Ready? HAAA!"
While Tsubaki was fighting Tira, Taokaka decided now was a better time than any for a cat nap.

Guile walked down the ramp as the crowd cheered and hoisted up American flags as the real American hero walked down to the ring and Flash Kicked Rolento in the mouth.

"Ah, good! Rachel can help us now!" Tsubaki exclaimed, overjoyed.
"Yay! Ra-Ra's strong!" Taokaka clapped her hands.
"Help you? How charitable. This is a free for all, isn't it? Even if it weren't, I don't think I'd be helping peasants such as you two." Rachel casually walked away and started attacking Pyrrha and Wesker with a stream of air attacks.
"Aww, Ra-Ra's mean..."

"You know..." said Sven. Something tells me inviting Marvel vs Capcom was a bad idea.
"What makes you say that?" said John.
"Well, just look at the ring."
"Well..." John paused. "In both their defenses, Dormammu's a being a mystic energy...and Wesker is....well, fucking Wesker."
"I feel bad for everyone down there."

"Who the fuck is Nova?" Sven was ignorant once again.
"Umm...I don't...know. Joe?"
Joe's response was blowing a raspberry.

"VOLDO!" (SC5)
"HSSSSSSSS" Voldo sauntered down to the ring and clawed his way through opponents. He arched his back and did some weird air humping thing.
Dormammu just stared at him.
"And finally...

"Dude, this ring is getting retarded. It's literally a blur of teleporting and air combos." Joe was absolutely correct. Nobody in the audience at this point had a clue of what was going on.
1. Hwoarang (SFxT) Live [ ] Die [ ]
2. Raiden (MK) Live [ ] Die [ ]
3. Rolento (SFxT) Live [ ] Die [ ]
4. Mitsurugi (SC5) Live [ ] Die [ ]
5. Tsubaki Yayoi (BBCSX) Live [ ] Die [ ]
6. Cody (SF4AE) Live [ ] Die [ ]
7. Tron Bonne (UMVC3) Live [ ] Die [ ]
8. Tira (SC5) Live [ ] Die [ ]
9. Noob Saibot (MK) Live [ ] Die [ ]
10. Ryo Sakazaki (KOFXIII) Live [ ] Die [ ]
11. Albert Wesker (UMVC3) Live [ ] Die [ ]
12. Solid Snake (SSBB) Live [ ] Die [ ]
13. Pyrrha (SC5) Live [ ] Die [ ]
14. Taokaka (BBCSX) Live [ ] Die [ ]
15. Guile (SF4AE) Live [ ] Die [ ]
16. Rachel Alucard (BBCSX) Live [ ] Die [ ]
17. Dormammu (UMVC3) Live [ ] Die [ ]
18. Nova (UMVC3) Live [ ] Die [ ]
19. Voldo (SC5) Live [ ] Die [ ]
20. Gouken (SF4AE) Live [ ] Die [ ]

10 to live, 10 to die, email to

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